If You're a Webtoonist

I've been thinking a lot about web comics lately, especially how yours compares to the good ones.

It may not be "politically correct," but let's face facts. Sit a spell.  Dork.

You're a loser.

You do a stupid cartoon, and everybody who tells you they like it is lying, to be nice. Your strip--it's really dumb. The drawing's terrible, the jokes aren't funny, and you can't tell a story to save your life. You probably smell funny too.

Right now, you may be thinking, "Where does BoxJam get off deciding what's good and what sucks!?" Well believe me, I know. And you, kind visitor, suck hard. You suck wet rope. The kind with little hemp splinters. Or sisal. Whatever that really splintery rope is made from. Old moldy stuff that I found on the floor of my garage in a puddle. Yeah, that kind.

Your end is coming, though. One day, and soon, your strip will end, whether you like it or not. And you know what? I'm gonna laugh at you. Yep. It'll be the first time you made me laugh, too. When you're kneeling on your bit-heap, cursing the heavens, I'm gonna laugh at your innocent arrogance, and the way you lost it, when you learned you really are untalented, homely, and not worth anybody's time. You thought you could do a web comic? Where did you ever find the nerve? Really, though.

Go home. Loser. You make me sick.